There.

I did it.

I stood up for myself, my friends, and for what I knew you used to be.

I'm sorry it had to be over a stupid thing, but it was a "last straw" kind of thing.
Do I regret it? No.
Even a little? No. Maybe a little, but someone had to stand up to you.

I am not going to say sorry for something I did not do.
No matter how much you want me to say it.

Straws

Talking about the phrase "the last straw" in health class today.

All the little things, the glares, the hits, the heavy sighs when I enter a room or a conversation,  friends joking how no one loves me, the embarrassing stories told about me, the snide remarks.

I'm going to snap, I just don't know when...

Thank you.

They were making fun,
Saying I was a guy,
Always wearing sweatpants and playing video games.
They said they would never date a girl that was one of the guys.

You stood up for me.
I had only talked to you twice.

I don't see how you could defend me
When they, my friends since forever, wouldn't.

Thank you.

BFF?

I always give you advice when you ask "Should I go out with him or that other guy?",
I comfort you when you guys break up,
and I even listen to all the drama that you're involved with.

But when I try to bring up my past, my feelings, my stories, how I hurt: you change the subject.

I tried to tell you about my depression, about how I thought of self-harming, how I felt. The conversation just went back to you.

I'm there when you need me, but where are you?

Great friends, huh? Yeah sure...

Please.

Please stop making jokes, poking fun, and messing with me.

I realize that you're kidding,
And you always take it back.
But it still hurts, the hurt lingers long after you are gone.
I'm terrified that you'll bring it up, I'm scared to think that you're no longer my friend.

So, please notice how I cringe when you bring that up.
Please stop.

I'm begging you...

Who's awesome?

Different.

I've been hanging around you a lot,
you're cool and fairly nice.
But, today I found out you're using me to get him.
I'm just an item to you.

I also realized that I've become like you,
I text like you, talk like you,
I never swore,
I never talked behind other peoples' backs.
I've become someone I'm not, someone I don't like, someone that is using me.

And it's eating me up inside...

This time...

The next time I see you picking on a smaller kid,
I'm going to say something.
This time I'm going to stand up for someone,
because I know how it feels to be stepped on.

It terrible. It's that feeling you get when you find out someone ate the last cookie you were saving, it's the feeling that you get when you say a joke then someone says it a little louder and gets all the laughs.

I'm going to make a difference in this cruel world.
Even if it only changes the mood of ONE kid...

This time I'm taking a stand...

A compliment.

I always get compliments from people when my hair is straight.
I wish that just one time I would get a compliment on my naturally curly hair.
Just once...

Mirrors

You may think I'm conceited.

But honestly the only reason I look in a mirror is because
I know I'll always see someone
That's in the exact situation I'm in.
Someone that's feeling the same things I am.
A person that will always smile back.

And I know that she will always be there with me.
Even though no one else will...

Words hurt.

Today they called me:
moron, dork, loser, horrendous,

That wasn't all.

coward, pussy, wimp, ugly,

Also. 

a fail, an accident, outcast.

You told me I had no friends. 

That no one would ever love me, that no one could. 

I don't think that any of those are true about me.

But, every time you say it, I believe them more. 

I believe that you aren't kidding. That you hate me. That I have no real friends.

That I am

alone...

Do you ever...?

Do you ever have days where you just want to sit down and cry?
Just want to hate the world and wish someone would care?
Almost feel like you deserve to be hurting and that you amount to nothing?

Speak up, I don't want to feel alone anymore...

Oh you,

You are different, in the good way.

You listened when I talked to you, and you actually understood.

You gave me advice, a lotta laughs, a few tears;

Hope. That's what you gave me.

You're the one that made me wake up in the morning.
You made me feel important and valuable.

Now it's a few years down the road, and we've switched places.
You're the shy and quiet one, I'm the one that's bursting with enthusiasm.

I only hope that I can do as good of a job as you did.
Thank you, RM :)

I'm a little slow on the posting...

So, I haven't been posting everyday like I want to,

Brutal. That's the one word to describe a few of my semester tests.

It's the new semester, so why does it feel like the first day of school all over again?

This one song

If your eyes were green like the trees in the spring, will they turn orange if I fall for you?
If your eyes were blue will they turn gray if I think of you on a cloudy day?

Not my work, it's from Abby's song :)

Quote

Real men like curves.
Dogs like bones.

Girls, or guys, don't change yourself for someone else... ever.

My version of the dictionary

Highschool.
The one word I dread.

Change.
A word that can make me cringe.

Never.
A word I will never believe in.

Friends.
The people that make my life worthwhile. I'm normally on the floor laughing while I'm with them.

Lol.
An acronym that should be more like LQTM (laughing quietly to myself).

Rubik's cubes.
Something that can keep me entertained for hours on end :D

Pudding.
A delicious substance that is always better frozen.

Goodbye.
A word I have trouble saying.

I've changed.

I WAS... an average (sometimes under average) looking girl who was known as the brainiac that loved random facts. A girl that wished every night to wake up the next morning and be prettier.

I AM... a girl that looks better than she did, but has lost all interest in knowledge and acts dumb around guys. A girl who talks behind others' backs.
Highschool has changed me.

I got what I wanted, but it came at a price.
I now want to be that smart, happy, nice, unattractive girl.

Can someone please invent a time machine so I can turn the clock back?